English pearls (engelska pärlor)

Många av avigheterna på den här sidan är klassiker och flera av dem finns vid det här laget återgivna på många ställen.

Anslag i hiss:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. Under that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

På ett hotell i Japan:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Välkomstskylt:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

På en läkarmottagning i Rom:
Specialists in women and other diseases.

På restaurangen:
Special today – No ice cream.

I pälsaffären:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Restaurang igen:
Our wines leaves nothing to hope for.

Hotell igen:
In case of fire, do your best to alarm the hotel porter.

Ännu mera restaurang:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Ett transporterbjudande som är svårt att motstå:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Flyplatsen i Taiwan välkomnar besökarna:
"Please feel yourself at home."

Affischtavla, Kaohsiung, Taiwan:
"Men's Briefs. Try them! They're Comfartable

På ett zoo i Budapest:
Please do not food the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Skylt i fönstret hos en japansk kemtvätt:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the rest of the day having a good time!

Skylt utanför en restaurang i Mexiko:
Broken English spoken fluently.

I lobbyn på ett hotell i Moskva, mittemot ett ryskt-ortodoxt kloster:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily exept Thursday.

Det här står på en skylt vid ingången till en campingplats i Tyskland:
"It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest Camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent, unless they are married with each other for this purpose."

En hel samling, inskickad av Jerry F:

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.

Här är en samling avigheter från engelska annonser:

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

See ladies blouses. 50% off!

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. And these are from the radio:

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for "High Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. RUNNING ACROSS THIS FIELD TAKES A MAN 12 SECONDS, BULL DOES IT IN 10.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Med vänlig hälsning
Ulla R

Fick detta av en kompis i USA. Det är inte bara i Sverige vi hittar gott om lustiga syftningsfel och utelämnad kommatering...

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Hejhopp

Här kommer några engelska pärlor som funnits i min ägo en längre tid. Jag kommer inte ihåg längre ihåg var jag först läste dem.

Italian Hotel Brochure:
This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Rome Hotel:
Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire to come out.
Polish Tourist Brochure:
As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed.
French Hotel:
A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trouser.
French Restaurant Menu:
Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.
French swimming pool:
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the Savior.
Spanish Hotel Ad:
The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to the visitors comfort.
Madrid Restaurant Menu:
Tarts of the house.
Madrid Hotel:
People will left the room at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.

malen

Här är några välkomponerade skyltar från Thailand, de flesta från Bangkok.

DO NOT!! GAMBLNG.
(Restaurang i Bangkok)
Be ware of your step!
(Museum på landsbygden)
Enjoy and relaxing massage.
(Hotell)
Reservations: Should be made in advance before
(Hotell)
Fried rice with peppers and the way you lick it. (Restaurang)
Please refrain from smoking except in smoking rooms only.
(Bangkoks inrikesflygplats)

Det är inte så stora fel – men ack, så kul det blir.

johan

På Bastani Cafe i Bombay lär man kunna hitta det här anslaget, som kanske medför att man får svar på alla eventuella frågor man tänkte ställa:

SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY

Under en Asienresa stötte jag på flera lustiga översättningar av menyer:

Patato soap with garbage
(Soptvålssoppa?, kanske godare med cabbage soup)
Chicken to Despise
(Att förakta, det låter så inte gott)
Red Wind/ White wind
(Imponerande)

Micke

Krigsmuseet vid River Kwai, Thailand:

"The museum is building now – sorry for the visitor."

Eva-Lotta

Vi har precis tillbringat en vecka i Italien, på ett riktigt fint hotell. Därför blev jag ganska bestört när jag första kvällen hittade en liten skylt på hotellrummet, vilken helt ogenerat kungjorde:

"We sleep with you. Anything you need all night, just dial 9."

Jag hann bli aningen upprörd över denna omoral innan jag hittade den tyska texten på baksidan där det lite tydligare framgick att personalen sov I HUSET – inte med gästerna...

Bella

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